FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
What's it all about?
Why, thanks for asking.
The simple answer is "The Hokey Pokey" but you knew that. It's about the golden age of MTV. The fun part of the 80's. Sure, we were all constantly terrified that we were going to be nuked any day, but we had Duran Duran and Prince to comfort us. That's what we're about. Nostalgia for the best part of the 80s.
Why "Assholes"? What if you play a "family friendly" event?
The band initially started as a joke to fill up an open Sunday night slot at a local club. We thought it was a funny play on "Flock of Seagulls" obviously, but we never thought anything more would come of it. Well, over 10 years later, what can we say? People like assholes!
That said, we often do PG-rated shows as just "The Flock" (yeah, we know there was an obscure 70s band with that name already). Our backdrop banner has two sides so we can be as clean or as dirty as you need us to be. Sort of.
Will you play my party/wedding/bat mitzvah etc? How much do you charge?
Yes.
Our fee depends on many variables: time, location, whether we provide lights and sound, Will there be food? Will there be dogs to pet? So many factors go into what we charge. Please email us at flockbooking@gmail.com and inquire.
Who are the members of the band?
Our singer is Simon LeBoner, known for his flair for fashion and penchant for fine cutlery.
Alex Van Handjob pounds the skins. He also plays drums.
Stinq is saving the world with only 4 strings (he plays bass). Please don't look him directly in the eyes.
Kaiser Googoo is our lovable keyboard player. He brings a smile to everyone he meets.
Andy Hummers is our ex-pat guitar player. He is originally from Britain or someplace where they talk funny. He's often snarky and sarcastic, but he's really a peach on the inside. Meaning he has a pit in his stomach.
Will you play ONE MORE SONG?
That's a toughie. We're gonna go with "probably not." When we finish our carefully crafted sets, it's usually up to the last microsecond before the venue needs to close. We usually can't possibly sneak in one more song, so when you chant that, you just make Andy feel really bad and no one wants that.
Do you have merchandise (T-Shirts, Stickers, Onesies, etc)
We try to order merchandise, especially T-shirts, every few years or so, but we're pretty bad about hawking them at the shows because we're all busy thinking about feeding the starving children, why Coke changed their formula and who shot J.R. We'll let you know when we have more!
Will you take requests?
Our setlists are usually cultivated pretty well. We put a lot of thought into them: the selection, the pacing, the tempos, the keys, not too many INXS songs in a row, etc. You must trust us and just accept what we've prepared for you. You are always free to sneak a peek at our setlist and request the next song we're about to play and impress your friends, though. We won't tell.
What happened to Phil Sphincter?
As many of you know, Phil was our manager for many years. He is still alive and well, but he just managed to retire from the band a few years ago in order to tend to his llama farm. We still keep in contact and he wants you all to know that he loves you, but not as much as he loves his llamas.
Where did the chicken go?
We get asked this all the time. For those of you who are new to us, Andy Hummers would often sing "She Drives Me Crazy" not only in the voice of a chicken (or what cartoons told us chickens sounded like back in the day) but WITH a rubber chicken as a prop. The chicken is alive and well also, but Andy has enough gear to carry to gigs. He had to lighten the load somewhere and the chicken got left behind. He swears he will make an appearance again when you least expect it.
Can I help you wrap cables?
Only if you know how to over/under wrap correctly.
What are sweet dreams made of?
Apparently, this.